


Fear

by JaneDoe112255



Category: Bandom, Marianas Trench
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Friendship, Men Crying, Musicians, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Phobias, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sassy, Sleepy Cuddles, So much comfort, Storms, Thunder and Lightning, Thunderstorms, so much cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneDoe112255/pseuds/JaneDoe112255
Summary: Story as to why Josh is scared of thunderstorms.





	Fear

(Set around 2013. Josh has his black and blue emo hair.)

Why are technical problems a thing, Josh could not help but wonder as people were practically yelling,"fill time, Josh, fill time" in his ear?

"How we doin' tonight?" Josh yelled at the audience. As he predicted, hundreds of fan screamed very loudly. "Yeah, that's what I like to hear!" Josh smiled, the enthusiasm of the crowd energizing him he bounced, trying to think of a way to fill time.

"Ummm, hey do you guys wanna hear a story?" The audience screamed again. He could make out a few yes's.

"Okay, but first you have to be quiet."

The crowd did not listen; instead, they yelled once again. Josh smirked.

"Shh, shh, Daddy's trying to talk," Josh said, sassy. 

Josh put his hands behind his back, waiting for the audience to settle. He pressed his mouth into a thin line and raised his eyebrows. The young man could feel his bandmate's eyes on him, he turned to either side of him and smiled at Matt and Mike. He would have sent a smile toward Ian too, but he was behind Josh, and it would look too awkward to look behind him just to smile at the older man. 

Once his crowd was quiet, he tried to begin his story "Okay, so one time I was just..."

BANG! The whole building shook. Josh felt panic rise within him. An invisible hand squeezed the inside of his chest. What escaped his throat was somewhere between a yelp and a whimper. He tried to breathe but he could not. Why couldn't he breathe? The hand squeezed tighter. 

He felt someone's hands on him, Josh tensed and jolted forward. That same someone who grabbed him placed one of their hands on his chest. He stepped in front of Josh to block him from the crowd... crowd.

"Baby, calm down." He heard Matt whisper. All the panic he felt a second ago was gone, replaced by relief. Matt was here. If Matt was here, nothing could hurt him. 

"I'm fine," he muttered, walking back to the middle of the stage. He must have subconsciously moved toward Matt in his panic. 

He rubbed the back of his head, fiddling with the hairs there, trying to think of what to say.

"Yep, yep... that just happened... um," Josh cleared his throat, trying to get the shakes out of his voice, "yeah, I'm a little scared of thunderstorms," the thin man cringed at how weak he sounded, he wished he could curl up and die, maybe he could be cuddled by Matt. Luckily, for him, his favorite bassist had a soul, and he decided to take pity on the younger man.

"Maybe that'll be the inspiration for our next song,"

While Mike's words seemed harsh to someone who did not know him, Josh knew what Mike was trying to do. He was trying to give Josh an easy way to sass him. Well, ask, and you shall receive. 

"Yeah, yeah," Josh said nodding, attempting to keep the extra emotion out of his voice. 

"OR, I can make it about your fear of moths."

Josh cocked his head to the left, walking up to Mike, hips swaying. He might as will simulate his groove until he got it back.

"I shouldn't have opened my mouth," Mike said, shaking his head up to the ceiling as if praying to God to give him the patience to deal with the young man. All three of them were in a near permanent state of being fifty percent in love with Josh and fifty percent done with Josh. At that very moment, they might have been fifty percent in love and fifty percent concerned.

"Seriously, guys," he looked back to his audience, hoping to win them back before the next song, "he runs out of the room screaming like a little girl when he sees a moth."

"Lets name off the list of things that Josh is scared of and will have a panic attack over. One, clo..." 

Josh interrupted the older man, shaking his head and saying while making his way back to center stage, "no, no. It's getting late; we need to get to our next song,"

"This next song is called Fallout," Josh smiled and got ready to sing.

...

The thunder only sounded a few more times during their performance. Every time Josh heard it, he jumped, but luckily there were not more tech issues, and only five more songs left to sing. 

When they made it on to the bus, the four men were soaked and shaking from the cold (and for Josh fear). Josh tried to make a b line for his bunk but was intercepted by Matt saying that he needed to change out of his wet performance clothes. They had all taken Mike's 'day beg' advise to heart, and all had a change or two of clothes on the bus. Whether it was lucky or unlucky for him, Josh had yet to choose. He went to the back with Matt to change.

He yelped as another sharp clap of thunder sounded overhead. He leaped toward Matt and practically collapsed on top of him. Matt wrapped his arms around the shaking man, holding him up until he got his footing. Josh snaked his arms around the other man's middle and managed to hide his face in Matt's chest, despite being a solid three inches taller than him. 

A few minutes later Matt led the older man to the front of the bus where Mike and Ian where discussing whether or not they were going to a hotel that night. 

Matt sat on the couch across from the other men, letting Josh curl up into him. Josh drew comfort from the man's heat. 

"We should go to a hotel tonight," Ian said.

Josh made an upset noise. He did not like the idea of leaving his safe space for even a second, let alone the time it would take to check into a hotel. And when they got to the hotel, Matt would force Josh to take a shower. With all the thunder, God only knew when he would get the chance to cuddle again.

"Guys who can't come out from their boyfriend's chest don't get a say," Ian remarked, trying to get Josh back to his usual self. They all hated seeing Josh like this, especially when they knew the reason for Josh's terror.

"Shut up, Chocolate Factory," Josh said, using his favorite nickname for the older man since noticing his resemblance towards Gene Wilder. He shifted his head so he could look at Ian.

"No can do, AmazingPhil," Ian smirked, remembering the YouTubers "yo, I hear we share a face" tweet and Josh's subsequent, "you poor bastard" tweet.

Josh groaned, not having the energy after the concert (plus the all-consuming anxiety) to bicker with anyone. 

The thunder thought that it could intervene and sounded again. Josh whimpered. His body that was starting to relax tensed and curled more into Matt (how that was even possible, he did not know). His face found its way back to the younger man's chest. His hands clenched Matt's shirt.

"Shh, Baby, shhh. Everything's okay. No one can hurt you, Baby," Matt whispered into Josh's ear as he ran his hand through the older man's hair. Matt hoped that the other man could hear him. He had not shut down in a long time, that did not need to happen again.

JOSH KNEW THAT. Josh knew that the man who hurt him was gone, more than likely dead, but that did not stop the ridiculous fear and panic that took over him at any reminder of him. He should man up. He should not have to go to Matt or anyone else just because there was a thunderstorm or someone vaguely looked like him. IT'S BEEN OVER TEN YEARS! He should not be a wreck like this. He was fortunate that he had friends that where understanding like this. 

He felt slight weight added to his back and it was fuzzy. He turned his head to see Mike and Ian above him. Mike was tucking the blanket around him. Josh snuggled into the blanket. "Sorry," Josh sniffled, he felt the tears, which had been in his eyes since the last thunderclap, fall down his cheeks. 

"No reason, Baby Boy," Matt said, rocking him, Josh loved gentle movements. He wiped Josh's tears away. He could only hope that one day Josh would believe them when they said that he had nothing to be sorry about. That he was not at fault for what happened, he did not ask for it. 

Matt, Mike, and Ian had all had an argument similar to this with Josh before. It only left Josh feeling down and the other men frustrated, so he was determined never to have that fight again. So, he did not respond. 

The rest of the ride to the hotel was uneventful; Josh had stayed glued to Matt's side as he would for the rest of the night. 

"C'mon, Baby," Matt said, attempting to help the dozing man sit up. 

Josh murmured something intangible under his breath before going lax, trying to get back into his previous position on Matt. This caused Matt to lean back into the couch under the unexpected dead weight of the older man. 

"Wooh, careful," Mike warned, coming to the other side of Josh to help Matt lift him. 

"Sorry, it's hard to lift a 188 centimeter, 70-kilogram man on my own," Matt said, meaning to be sarcastic, but when Josh whimpered, he knew he made a mistake.

Matt turned back to Josh, "sorry, Baby. I didn't mean anything by that, Baby," Matt rubbed Josh's back, feeling guilty for commenting on Josh's weight. Fuck eating disorders, fuck depression, was all Matt could think. 

With Mike's help, Matt got Josh to his feet. The poor man was exhausted, he leaned heavily on the other men for support. If anything they could pass Josh off as being drunk. They got a few looks, but people seemed to assume that Josh was drunk and made no comment about it.

"Okay, Baby," Matt said once that got to their room, "home sweet home for the night." 

Matt settled Josh into bed. While Matt was taking Josh's shoes off another thunderclap sounded, Josh gave a distressed whine and curled up on top of the covers. Matt signed, he hated this, seeing the usual sassy, sarcastic man so terrified of something that when they first met, he used to love. He remembers the first time Matt slept over, thirteen-year-old Josh had dragged him out to Josh's front porch to watch the lightning and thunder. Josh had looked at the sky like it was the most exciting thing ever. 

Now, he was like this. 

"Let's get under the blanket, Babe," Matt said, getting under the covers himself and letting Josh go all octopus on him again. Matt gently ran his hands through Josh's hair and hummed a tune under his breath. Soon, the exhaustion won out, and Josh was sleeping. Matt was soon to follow.

...

This was the worst day of Josh's life. He just got kicked out of his band. It was all his fault. He was the one who was consistently late for practices and concerts. This last practice had been the metaphorical straw that broke the camel's back. Matt was pissed, more pissed than he had ever seen the younger boy. Sure, he had seen Matt angry, Matt had even been mad at Josh before, but the furry that Josh had seen in Matt's eyes had honestly terrified him. He hoped never to see that again, if he ever saw Matt again, that is. 

Okay, Josh stop thinking, he ordered himself. 

Suddenly the weather decided to match Josh's mood, and it started down pouring. Josh startled slightly at the unexpected intrusion of thunder. Josh stepped into an ally to watch the storm. When he was a kid, his mom and dad would have to force him away from windows when there would be severe storms. He smiled at the memory. "Joshua Ramsay, get away from that window, right now! Do you have a death wish?" He could not help but laugh at the memory. He swayed slightly.

God, he needed a hit.

He felt hands on him. The hands dragged him further into the ally.

"Woo, get off of me!" Josh yelled at the mystery man. Maybe it was one of his bandmates trying to teach him a listen. But they did not want anything to do with him, he remembered.

"C'mon, Babe, settle."

He continued to struggle against the man. But the man was stronger than him; the man threw him to the ground on his back. 

"C'mon, Babe, if you want it, you gotta work for it," the man climbed on Josh.

Wait, what was this man talking about. He did not want anything; he wanted to go home now. 

He felt the man pull down his pants, oh God no. 

"No!" Josh screamed. He reached down to try and pull his pants back up. 

The man overpowered him. He turned Josh over onto his stomach. Josh tried to squirm away, he kicked, tried to bite the man. Josh did anything he could think of to try and get away. But the man was too strong.

He felt a searing pain that traveled from his backside to the top of his back. 

This was not happening; someone was not fucking him to give him drugs. No. He felt tears burning his eyes.

No, no. Please, someone help. Mommy, he wanted his mommy. Mommy help. 

The man laughed, "Mommy can't help you, Baby," he continued to rock in and out if Josh.

Tears streamed down his face. He was not here. He was somewhere else. Somewhere where this man could not hurt him, where there where no storms. 

Josh was too lost in his head to prosses when the man got off him. "Here you go, Baby," the man threw drugs by Josh's head. 

Josh sobbed and curled as tightly as he could. He was in so much pain. His back and his head hurt the worst. How was he going to get home? If he got home how would he explain this to his mommy, daddy, and sis? 

On autopilot, he tried to get up. He leaned against the brick wall to try and get his footing and get the pain to stop. He staggered toward the exit of the ally. He was soaked. He heard thunder and jumped.

"Josh!" He heard someone yell his name. He whimper. No more, please. Please.

"Josh!" He felt hands on him. He shirked. No more.

"Josh, Dude calm down. It's Matt," Josh turned his tear stained eyes toward Matt. 

"Help," Josh whimpered before collapsing. 

"Josh!"

"Josh!"

Josh!"

...

He felt someone shaking him.

"NO!" He screamed. He curled up, trying to get away from the hands. He let out a sob. 

"Josh, Baby, calm down," Matt whispered scratching his scalp. 

"No more, please," Josh whimpered.

"No one can hurt you, Baby. Matt is here; it's just Matt," Matt reassured. "Open your eyes, Baby."

Josh obeyed Matt, opening his eyes, looking at Matt. Josh let out a sob, Matt gathered Josh up in his arms, protecting him from the demons of the world.

Josh continued to cry for ten minutes. Cries turned to sniffles.

"Sorry," Josh said.

"Baby, you don't need to be sorry."

"I woke you up," Josh mumbled.

"Now, we can go back to sleep," Matt told Josh.

"K," Josh breathed. Resting his head on Matt's chest.


End file.
